Love or Fear


pexels-photo-355401If only, in some of our darkest hours, we could see what hindsight almost always reveals.

That it was in this darkness precisely, this death of sorts; this not knowing who, what, where, when, or why, that our new life was born.

If only the caterpillar knew what the butterfly does.

But it seems that there are no shortcuts, only ways of making it easier on ourselves.

Our culture values measurable results, productivity, clarity and drive.

But anyone who’s ever had any kind of meltdown; health or identity crisis; or suffered the loss of a person, pet, home, job, relationship, freedom, or anything else, knows that in these moments, weeks, months or years about the only thing you can manage is the thing you happen to be doing.

One meal; one nappy change; one doctor’s appointment; one conversation at a time.

The hardest and most important thing that we could ever possibly do at these times is to let the melting down complete itself. To hunker down, put on the kettle, and let the world carry on without us for a while.

That’s how I felt in the year after my daughter was born.

Just keeping her fed, clean, dressed, and alive, as well as the odd meal for my partner and I, was more than enough.

And yet I worried that I was losing my business, having no desire whatsoever to hold a workshop, run a retreat, or post on Facebook (other than lots of cute pictures of my kid).

I feared I’d lost my momentum, my reputation, my audience, my online presence (ha!), not to mention every ounce of creativity, inspiration, and passion that I had ever had.

But I went with it. Mostly. I really didn’t have much choice.

And then, slowly but surely, some gaps opened up. I could sneak out to a Yoga class now and again (and wanted to). I managed to complete the odd blog. I joined an online course full of other women and mothers longing to respond with love and a big fat YES to the calling of their Soul.

Very slowly, but very surely, my Way became a little more clear.

A cosmic trail of Internet breadcrumbs led me to a Life Coach training at 1 o’clock in the morning. I signed up. I pulled money from every nook and cranny in every possible bank account to pay for it, without an ounce of fear. Because I could feel it. My Way was becoming clear.

I now work with women. Women preparing for birth in my Prenatal Yoga classes. Women experiencing all sorts of transitions (new motherhood, relationship & career changes, menopause, kids leaving home) on my Yoga Retreats & in my coaching practice.

Women tired of beating themselves up with harsh inner dialogues. Women with an inkling that they’re here to love and serve. Women waking up to see the falsity of their limiting beliefs, knowing themselves rather as the Witness of those, who always has a choice. Love or Fear.

Love or Fear.

For as long as I can remember I’ve loved to hear the stories of people who were at one time stuck, or lost, suffering, or confused, with no idea what to do next. But who let themselves be changed by the experience – literally undone and then put back together again as a new, improved version.

In a culture collectively terrified of death, this waiting takes great courage. It’s rarely comfortable, but it’s how we grow. Evolution demands that a lesser form make way.

So if this is you? If you’re quietly melting down and you’ve no idea what’s next?

Hang tight.

No fast moves.

You’re most definitely not alone even when you feel that way.

Breathe. Trust. Be kind to yourself.

You’re exactly where you need to be.

In the dark of this cocoon your new wings are already growing. And although you can’t see them yet they are beautiful.

Om Namo Narayani

“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.” ~ Albert Einstein