HEARTFELT MUSINGS ON LIFE, LOVE, GOD, & MOTHERHOOD

Here comes the Sun

01.02.14

Here comes the SunI love the early morning hours – the quiet, the spaciousness… a feeling of freshness and possibility for the day ahead, like an artist before a clean blank canvas. But some days I wake up full of worry – the return of ‘mind’ after the bliss of sleep a major bummer. My day hijacked by fear and doubt before it has even begun.

We all have our shadows – our habitual ways of thinking, feeling or being that do us no favours – that threaten to steal our light. Doubt is one such old friend of mine.

Doubt likes to visit early in the morning, as does his sister Inspiration. They’re both intelligent and creative, and appear to have my best interests at heart. Like identical twins they are easily confused, and it’s only after you get to know them better that you can’t imagine how you ever mixed them up.

Inspiration is pro-action, while Doubt is pro-thought. She likes to get up, he loves to lie in. She’s all for trying while he has a million clever reasons why not. Inspiration likes to build, Doubt likes to break down. He’s terrified of failure and would rather abort than risk it, while she’s quite curious to just wait and see what happens.

Like an over-protective father Doubt wants to keep me safe, but so zealous a minder is he that he protects me from joy as well as danger. The walls Doubt builds are subtle not solid, made not of bricks but outdated beliefs. Doubt is always expecting the worst.

The voice of Inspiration is strong and fearless. She is passionate and compassionate and has a lot she needs to say. She is endlessly excited about the pursuit of truth, and the unique path that uncovering it takes. Knowing that ‘even one life has breathed easier’ is more than enough for her and a heartfelt reason to celebrate.

Inspiration says: YES! Gamble everything for love!
Doubt says: Nuh, or I don’t know. I don’t know how, when, where or why.

Doubt keeps me safe – from failure, fear or foe, but that safety comes at a very high price. Connection, creativity, inspiration and dignity are what my safety costs, currency I’ve recently valued as far too precious to gamble for such an average reward.

So I’ve asked my old friend Doubt to please step out of the shadows, taking a good, long, last look at him from every possible angle. He’s grown quite strong from years of good nourishment, but my Heart and I have decided that it’s time we cut him off. From now on when he visits I’ll thank him for his concern, but ask him politely to please leave the premises.

The stakes are high in this game of Life, and right now I feel I must let go and grow. I don’t know where this road’s going to take me, but I’m willing to risk it in the name of Love. I know that I’m tired of waiting in the shade, and it feels so good to turn my face to the Sun.

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded in life.        

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Om Namo Narayani