HEARTFELT MUSINGS ON LIFE, LOVE, GOD, & MOTHERHOOD

Om Namo Narayani!

22.01.13

sri_yantraI’ve just this morning arrived to a big, breezy room in a funky old Colonial building in Colombo, after 6 days of teaching in Bahrain, a small island country on the western shores of the Persian Gulf.  Before that… my beloved India. These words were written in transit between India and Bahrain:

Sitting in Sharjah airport, between one world and the next, I can feel myself emerging from the extraordinary vortex that is Sri Narayani Peedam – seat of the Divine, and the home of my guru, my heart, and a beloved bunch of wacky, eccentric characters that feel like family.

It’s only now that I’m ‘out’ that I can think about writing. When I’m there it’s as though both past and future drop away, no space for them in the fullness, freshness and wonder of the always unexpected present. So many days my eyes filled with tears for no explainable reason. Awe-filled, grateful, heartbreakingly sweet tears, the kind we should drink or anoint each other with.

Although in the past  I’ve wished that my prayers were more generous, they’ve been often preoccupied with personal longing. Even if that longing was to serve the Divine, it was still a personal prayer for direction, guidance, and fulfillment. World peace felt lofty and insincere while still so consumed by my own sadness, confusion, and at times conflicted desires.

But so many times in the past weeks while sitting at different pujasabishekam (ritual washing of the deities), yagam (fire), or walking around the Star Path of the Golden Temple, I felt my senses reeling, exploding… my mind simply unable to fathom such extraordinary beauty that eventually it just had to lay down, give up, and let the Soul itself breathe it all in, drink deeply of it, quenching a life-long thirst.

If I could explain all the tears this might be getting close… there were tears of satisfaction, tears of prayers answered, tears of feeling so held, so safe, so loved. Tears of knowing freedom from fear, tears of knowing that Love is all there is and all that matters and all we need to cure all ills. Tears of familiarity, belonging, relief, and deep peace.

The most beautiful thing of all is that the circumstances of my life have not changed all that much in the last 2 years. I did not make more money than usual (in fact I probably made less), I did not buy a beautiful piece of land in the forest, I did not meet the man of my dreams, I did not have any extraordinary successes in my work, and I did not yet found any amazing new charity.

I have though unearthed, and begun to passionately nurture an indestructible faith and trust in the infinitely generous hand of a Mother who loves Her children as Her very own Self and will do everything in Her power to bring them home to Her.

Om Namo Narayani! Jai Jai Shakti Maa! It’s All because of You.